I am not one...

that usually vents out my frustrations on a blog. Mostly because the feeling will pass. But I must say that when I get myself so worked up that it drains me, then I know that I must release it out of me & writing (or in this case, blogging) has always been my release.

It started off a normal enough day...getting up on time & getting the kids ready for school. One thing that I am doing again is praying in the morning before ever leaving my room. This is a habit that I have gotten out of. Probably because I felt, no take that back...because I felt that I pray all the time, why set time aside. Well I know that I need that time alone with God to be right with Him and to remember to rely on Him no matter what happens in the day. Well today has been a day that has tested (or maybe tempted), my thoughts & my faith.

So after the fallout, where do you go? I turned to God and asked for clarity today. I don't have that clarity yet, I am still blinded by my one sided thought, but I do know that I asked for forgiveness and I just pray that the situation that came to a head this morning will be handled with love from both me and the other person tomorrow when we talk again with a fresh day on our side. It hurts me so much when I unintentionally hurt someone, especially a friend. It really truly grieves my spirit & I know that she has already forgiven me for my thoughtlessness, now I need to forgive myself. It is hard at times to forgive yourself when you mess up.

The word of God says in ‎1 Peter 5:5

In the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you,
clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Funny thing...this is exactly what Brother Tim preached on this past Sunday. Real life application for real life learning I suppose is in order for me this week. I just pray that I am obedient to where God is going to take me. I don't want to be stubborn & I don't want my pride or ego to get in the way & I really really need to shake this feeling like I lost a friend.

I guess that assessment that we did a few months back is right & really quiet accurate, because I reread it after my things came to a head this morning. I wanted to see where I went wrong & I do believe that the assessment hit my personality right on the head! That is very scary & humbling all at the same time.

~Peace & Blessings~
Jen