Do words really make a difference?

Proverbs 16:21; "The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction."

I recently had a lively conversation about how we talk to people. Their point of view was starkly different to mine. They believe that speaking harshly to people (even children) is how people hear you, even to the point of cussing. They also went on to say that the problem with society (more specifically, America) is that we caudal too much instead of correcting, and the only way to correct is with harsh language.

Ephesians 4:29; "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

I disagree. To yell at someone or to even cuss at someone to get your point across is not only harmful to the person receiving the words, but it is more than likely that the person you are trying to "get your point across to" will actually tune you out. If spoken to harshly long enough, the cycle will begin again. This my friends, is a vicious circle.

Proverbs 7:27; "The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered."

Correction is the words used, not the harshness in which the words are said. I have worked with many people over the years. I have been cussed at by superiors, co-workers, even family. To say that I listened to them would be far fetched. I have always felt like less of a person after being belittled with the harshness and tone that was spoken to me. Over the years the yelling at people to get a point across or even to cuss at someone out of frustration and anger was where I found myself. I didn't like being talked to that way, yet there I was (sometimes still) talking at people the way I had been talked at instead of talking to people the way I wanted to be talked to. But the good news is the cycle can be broken!

1 Corinthians 14:9; "So it is with you. Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air.

By far the most effective leaders (and parents you are a leader) are ones who correct with loving intentions and with a heart to help not hurt. This is where my learning, how to change how I spoke to others, began (and it is a work in progress). When heated debates and disagreements occur a couple of things begin to happen; first you can feel your temperature rise, and secondly you can feel the anger begin to boil on the tip of your tongue. So what sets apart a person who corrects without harshness and cussing. I do believe it is a few things...like grace, mercy, and that they are acting out of love.

Proverbs 16:24; "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

There's a few things I have to do in order for me not to lose my temper (and I don't always succeed). I have to pray. Pray for God to help me control my anger and to not say something that I'm going to regret. I have to stop. Yup, stop and take a step back. Before I say a word, I have to look at the situation and ask myself why I'm getting so angry. Is this a fight that is worth risking hurt feelings and further anger?

Ecclesiastes 9:17; "The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools." 

It is time to begin a new cycle. As Christians we are not to use harmful, hurtful words, to anyone. It's time for change, in how we speak to one another. We are called to be like Christ, and this is a great place to start.

~Peace & Blessings~
            Jen

My heart...

is just broken right now. And it's not just over the unforeseen death of so many young children. This past week has been riddled with death, and today has been my first day to really let it all sink in.

My week started with hearing about a shooting, no two shootings, a plane crash, and a homicide. I do not watch the news. I probably should, but it depresses me to the point that I just can't, and I don't read the paper, so when I hear of a tragedy, I know it is a tragedy, as they say good news travels fast, but bad news travels faster.

Mr. Poppell, an active community leader, took a private plane to Valdosta earlier this week, but never made it. He died in the accident. Then later that morning news came in that Commissioner Sublett, of Brunswick, was reported missing and later found dead and his death has been ruled a homicide. That is when I learned of two more shootings in our community. This was Tuesday. That afternoon we were having a station meeting and we were discussing the recent tragedies, and within a few hours we announced a prayer vigil for next Thursday...

Wednesday...that morning, Pastor Tim came into the station to share God's Word and to try and give our listeners peace, in light of all the dark. That evening, I read about the shootings at a mall in Portland (I have friends there).

Thursday we get the approval for the "City on Our Knees" Prayer Vigil, and we begin to share with everyone via email and Facebook...Prayer Vigil Info

Friday...we hear of the shooting and deaths at the elementary school, Sandy Hook. My heart broke when I heard the news. My thoughts were of loss, and fear, and of my own children. It just shocked me...almost as much as the day that the Twin Towers fell.

Here's where I must interject...all of these events, were "events". They "effected" me, but not in an immediate way, so I could and did brush them aside and place them on the back burner. I had too many other obligations and things that needed my attention, so I could not really take the time to focus on all the death around me. I...my children and I...were in the midst of Nutcracker rehearsal, and Benchmark tests, so I had not been home long enough to sit down and absorb all the news.

Now that my day has given me time to read and catch up on all the information that was given to me earlier in the week, I am just shocked, saddened, hurt and broken. I have teared up 20 different times in the past hour, and I teared up a dozen times at church today as we talked about HOPE, and where HOPE comes from and how now more than ever we NEED to bring HOPE to a dying world.

I went on to Facebook, to see what I could find as far as posts go, so I could get a better understanding of this Adam boy, and to learn about the adults who acted so bravely to save children, and to learn about the children who did not survive. I forget how angry people can become and how easy Facebook makes it for people to be vocal in a very hateful, mean-spirited and hurtful way. This too, broke my heart.

So I say all of this to say one thing...I am praying for the Poppell and Sublett families. I am praying for the 28 families that lost loved ones in the Sandy Hook murders, and for the remaining family of Adam, the young man who committed this horrific crime. My heart just hurts. I'm not sure what else there is to say, but I needed to post this. I know you are angry and I know that we don't have an answer to the question WHY, but I know that GOD is GOD, and HE alone is in control. We, Me...I am called to pray, forgive, love and give mercy, just as GOD has forgiven and loved me and has shown me mercy.


~Peace & Blessings~
Jen

True Woman | I Need to Vent

I have been feeling a bit frustrated, and instead of blowing my top I decided to look up "Anger" for some wisdom and insight. I have to tell you that I am not the best when it comes to keeping my cool, and I really have a hard time with going with the flow when "My" schedule gets changed. So instead of lashing out I looked up and this is what I found. I hope it helps you too.


True Woman | I Need to Vent

~Peace & Blessings~
Jen