I'm not...

a writer. Sometimes I wish I was...like a novelist or something, but I'm not...I blog. Is there value in blogging? I'm not sure, but for me it is very therapeutic. Today I feel like there is so much to write about, but then again...I don't feel like there is enough to write about. I guess that is part of being melancholy.

I finished reading "Blue Like Jazz" last night. That book really spoke to me. To my spirit. I really understood where Don was going the whole time & I kept thinking to myself...I'm not alone...there are others who are like me...write randomly, have a true desire to speak the truth and to really just want to spend time listening to people and getting to know them...the true them. It was very refreshing.

So when I was finished reading the book...I was really pondering where I am in life and if I am really making a difference, for Jesus, for the world, for His Kingdom. Then this morning I just prayed that Jesus would give me an understanding about the people around me. I know that I will never really understand the world around me, and I'm ok with that, but I would like to know that I am who I am suppose to be when I meet the people I meet. I want to always be honest and real...not just a character in a book.

So today for the first time in a long time...I felt real...I felt free. I knew in my heart that I am where I'm suppose to be and doing exactly what God has called me to do. That is a freeing feeling. I was in so much awe and wonder this morning as I was getting ready for the day and while I was at work. Today was a fun day at work & sometimes I wonder why I get paid for doing what I do...it's too much fun most of the time.

So here's the weird/cool part. Frank, my friend & co-worker, Jayme's husband, called this morning and asked if we were all going to be at the station this afternoon. We were so he was so excited...I was wondering what on earth was going on, and to be honest I thought maybe Jayme was leaving. That was not the case! At 2pm they showed up with a station van! The van was donated by a listener, it was partially wrapped by one of our underwriters, and another underwriter is in the process of securing new tires! What a gift & blessing. I am just in AWE and AMAZEMENT of God's Love for us! I want to love like that...I don't know if I ever will be able to, but that is my goal.

I want to love my husband that way, my children that way, my friends that way, and strangers that way. God calls us to LOVE one another...I often wonder why that is so hard. I also wonder why so many people try so hard to fake it. You know...you can always tell when someone is faking it...so stop faking it. Real love for another person can be felt in the soul. It's a connection. The only thing that God has shown me today is this...in order for me to love someone else, I must get my thoughts off of me and onto them.

I would like to say that I am a good decent person who really listens to others, but I'm not...I really do get wrapped up in what I want or what I should be doing instead of listening to what others need around me. My prayer is to be sensitive enough to here the silent cries of others around me.

~Peace & Blessings~
Jen